A Testimony of Freedom!

Below is a testimony from a treasured member of our Redeemer family, we hope their story inspires you, encourages you, and leads you to both glorify God for all he has done and expect him to do amazing things in your life.

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As I write this, I am now 115 days free!

I’ve had a very long-standing struggle with porn and masturbation (about 17 years). I was first exposed in my very early teens. In my later years, I became very impulsive and started to act on my sexual urges to just get a ‘high’. I started to watch more hardcore stuff of all genres to get my fix. It became very habitual - I was just doing it for the sake of it. There was no longer a trigger. It became very ingrown into my daily routine. I was broken.

There was only so much I could do to safeguard myself (i.e., with internet blockers) but I felt I really needed to dig deep and figure out the root cause. After prayer and reflection, it was an identity issue rooted into my masculinity because of some past experiences (i.e., being bullied, assaulted, mugged). I felt weak and inferior, and I wanted to feel ‘manly’, and porn was filling that void in my heart. I was getting attention and social affirmation with those I engaged with online, but it was just a short-term fix and in fact it was eating away at my masculinity and sexuality. 

Finding My Identity

Over the last few months, I have drawn closer to my Father in Heaven and have started affirming my identity in Him! I am known by God. He has a plan for me. He hears my voice. He loves me. There is truth in the Holy Spirit! I consider myself dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus (Romans 6:11). He loves us despite our imperfections, and I am beyond grateful he does! God is with us, wherever we wonder. We get caught up in our sin and have moments where our hearts are heavy, mistakes take over and feeling so far away from God. God sees all that, he sees our brokenness, our guilt, our mess, and he loves us anyway!

We can certainly find strength and hope knowing that he will always be with us and will help us through it. If we have gone through life trusting in our own judgement, we may find it harder to submit to God and his plan for us. If we refuse to see God’s hand and direction in our lives, we may never know just how good he can be to us. 

Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!
Psalm 34:8

Honest Accountability

On a practical level, accountability has been so important because it removes the element of isolation. In Christ we are part of a family and a body. We know that challenges will come (John 16:33) and having accountability helps us to press ahead and to continue to live for Christ. An accountability partner can pray with and for us, teach us, rebuke us, rejoice with us, weep with us, and encourage us. I was not alone in this battle. 

A turning point for me was being completely open, honest, and vulnerable about the extent of my struggles with my accountability partners and my parents. The pathway to healing is in forgiveness that begins with confession and repentance, which means to turn away from sin and think differently about it. The enemy can only tempt you with something you desire. If you want to be free from the power of sin, you must hate sin the way God hates it. Jesus loves you and has paid a great price for you to live in freedom. If you are struggling with addiction, there is hope. You can find freedom because Jesus has not only freed you from the penalty of sin. He has also freed you from its power. I feel I have shifted my mindset from natural sexual desire to holy pleasures. I have not suppressed these desires, but I have prioritised God over them.

Hope for the Future

To anyone who is struggling with any form of addiction, you all have a God-driven future; God has great plans for you and there is absolutely hope for breakthrough. You are all loved - remember that. We all fall short but saved by his grace. He's always there, he has never left us. Just waiting with his arms wide open ready to embrace us. We can be confident and secure when we’re immersed in intimacy with God. As you break free from this stronghold, you are paving the way for victory!

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same testing’s we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:15–16

Jesus is our Sabbath

So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. 
Hebrews 4:9-11

For many of us, the Sabbath may seem to be simply a practice from the Old Testament that we no longer have to partake in. Jesus fulfilled the Law and, besides, we are way too busy with jobs, church commitments, and social lives to rest for a whole day. The Hebrew word, “sabat”, from which we get the word “Sabbath”, means to stop working and rest. But we know Jesus healed people on the Sabbath. Why should we consider the Sabbath?

God rested

In the Pentateuch (first five books of the bible), we read about how God gave the Ten Commandments to the Israelites through the prophet, Moses. Exodus 20:8-11 explains how God’s People were meant to remember and keep holy the Sabbath day, not doing any work on this day. The reason for this commandment is clearly stated: God created the world and all that is in it in six days and rested on the seventh day. Therefore, the Sabbath was instituted and followed by God Himself, long before His Law was given to Moses on Mount Sinai. In Genesis 2:1-3, we can read about how when the creation of the heavens and earth was completed on the seventh day, God rested from all the work He had done. As we know that our Creator God is omnipotent, this cannot mean that God needed to rest because He felt tired. God had finished His work of creation and thus stopped what He was doing, modelling to us how to rest. When the work is complete, there is no longer anything that needs to be done. And hence God rested.

The Old Testament is full of stories, characters, and practices that point to the coming of the Messiah, our Lord Jesus. We can see this concept in how the institution of the Sabbath acts as a symbol for the coming of our Messiah, Who would provide His followers with an everlasting rest. But what exactly did Jesus provide rest from?

It is finished!

Under the Old Testament Law, God’s people were constantly working in an effort to make themselves acceptable to God through sacrifices and law-keeping. Sacrifices in the Old Testament should always point us towards the ultimate loving sacrifice of Jesus; the only way for us to be justified and made righteous. John 19:28-30 states that Jesus, when He was on the cross and about to breathe His last breath, said, “It is finished!”

In Hebrews 10:12, we read that “when Christ offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God”. Just as God rested in Genesis after completing creation, He rested after His work of atonement was finished. There is nothing more to be added or done; the work is finished.

In Mark 2:27-28, Jesus explains that He is the Lord of the Sabbath and that the Sabbath was made for God’s People, not God’s People for the Sabbath. This means that Jesus is our Sabbath rest, for one, because He is the “Lord of the Sabbath”. But more than this, Jesus shows us with this statement that the Sabbath rest was created to free man from his labors, namely the endless attempts to be saved and attain God’s favor on the basis of own works, which could never achieve the desired effect.

The work that Jesus said was finished on the cross was the work of atonement. We no longer have to labor in vain, trying to achieve salvation through rituals and sacrifices. Instead, we are saved by the grace of Christ, which was displayed on the cross. This means that now we do not any longer have to rest for merely one day, but can forever cease to labor to attain salvation. Jesus is our ultimate Sabbath rest, now and forever. We can rest in Him because He has saved us by His own completed work of salvation.

How do we rest?

When God rested from creation in Genesis, His work had been “finished”. There was no need for development because the work was perfect. Jesus’ work on the cross is finished and perfect. This shows that the true sabbath is not the maintenance of a specific day, but the ending of an effort, which only God could complete. The works we have rest from in Jesus are those that include law-keeping in order to be justified before God. In 2 Corinthians 5:21 we can read that “for our sake He made Him to be sin Who knew no sin, that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” We can now stop spiritual labours and rest in Him every day of the week. Though this does not mean that life will never be busy -  at times overwhelmingly so!

Despite potential earthly busyness, Jesus allows us to rest in God. When we think of the word “rest”, our brains may automatically jump to vacations or weekends. But what happens at the end of this time? Normal life resumes, with busy schedules, stress factors, and unforeseeable life circumstances. We may have had rest for a few days, but as soon as the vacation is over the desired rest is once again gone. 

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” God invites us to come to Him with all our baggage. He invites us to give these over to Him, so that we can truly rest in Him.

Cast your cares on him

In 1 Peter 5:6-7 we can read, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the might hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” True rest requires us to give our daily battles, our emotions and thoughts over to God. While it is wise to have clear priorities, have regular quiet times, and manage time well, these things are not what Sabbath rest in Jesus is about. Sabbath rest is primarily about knowing Who Jesus is, and who we are in Him. 

Yet this knowledge and our daily lives do impact one another. When we realise that we are saved by the grace of God alone, we no longer have to labor at work in order to achieve a sense of self-worth, we no longer have to pursue an unsustainable social life in order to feel loved or accepted. When we know that God has everything under control, we are able to benefit even more from times of physical rest, surrendering our own control and trusting him.

Let us be those that surrender daily to Jesus. Let us be those that share our struggles, be they big or small, with Him. Let us be those who do not treat Jesus or prayer as their last resort, but find themselves daily at the foot of the cross. Let us be those that can live freely, knowing that Jesus has already finished the work of atonement and we can now find rest for our souls in Him.

Esther-Maria is one of our Redeemer students, a core member of our kids ministry, and is passionate about the word of God. In 2021, she’ll be sharing her thoughts on how scripture should change the way we live our lives! Check back here regularly for more, as well as our other blogs!