SELF LOVE

Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough? Pretty enough? Worth enough? Listen.. I get how you feel. That’s how I’ve been feeling for most of my life but now, it’s time for a change. Why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves to please society?

I’ve always felt the need to impress other people so I can feel accepted but why am I doing it for them? I should really be thinking & caring about my own happiness, my own self. It’s hard to be growing up in a generation where you need to look a certain way. However, what’s most important is what’s on the inside (I know it sounds cheesy but it’s true). I feel like people are being blinded & are missing out on what true beauty is.

 As most of you may know, I’m insecure about how I physically look but I need to keep telling myself that I’m worth it & I’m good enough. If I keep bashing myself down then, what good is it going to do? I’ll just be stuck in the same mindset & cycle. That’s why I need to make a change on how I view myself. I need to start loving myself. All my flaws, all my imperfections. Cus guess what, they’re apart of me & I don’t need anyone’s approval on “what’s good” and “what’s not”.

 To be honest, if we’re going to make any progress & if we’re going to start loving ourselves for who we are then, we need to make the first step & stop putting ourselves down & comparing to others. Don’t get me wrong, it’s so easy to wish you had something that someone else has & there’s nothing wrong with being a bit envious (not in a hateful way). You know, it’s human nature to feel a little jealous but if you’re going to slam yourself down and keep saying “I’m not good enough, I’m so ugly, I wish I looked like him / her” then, that’s not okay! Stop worrying about the outside, what’s most important is the inside. If you’re healthy, happy & everything’s working properly then, you’re all good! It is hard & I know it’s going to take time to feel comfortable in your own skin but as long as you’re slowly starting to change the attitude towards yourself then, you’ll start making a progress & feeling a lot more confident in your body.

 I just wish people would stop being so discourteous with each other & pointing certain things out. Cus let’s be real, if people didn’t point out certain things that they think is “wrong” then, people would stop trying to alter themselves.

Overall, the message I’m trying to get across is that you are beautiful the way that you are and what’s on the inside matters most.

 One thing is changing yourself for you & another is changing yourself for others. Once you start changing yourself for others, you’ll never grow as a person. You’re basically living your life for them and not for you. We need to realise what’s more important, it’s our own selves. We just need to grow as people & learn to love ourselves more. Accept our flaws & live a life for us. Not for society.

 You don’t want to lose yourself in this whole world of beauty & the dumb standards that come with it.

 You’re all loved & beautiful. Remember that

Lyds x

For more: www.lydsonline.com

SUCCESS IN 2017: STEP FIVE

We're now in the fifth and final week of what I hope has been a really helpful toolkit to enable you to see great success in 2017. We've looked at our thoughts and rituals, our roles and goals, and now we're landing on the ultimate challenge. Once you've done the other things, doing this final step will act like the final spinning cog of an elaborate mechanism, unlocking potential you perhaps didn't even know was there.

Get excited!

A lot's been said over the past couple of decades about the power of a positive mindset. It's easy to get cynical about that sort of thing, but looking back at what we've achieved over the past few weeks, surely we can know that success is possible.

And that should get us excited in the morning.

And if we're excited in the morning, we'll respond more positively to what life throws at us.

So...get excited every morning! Spend a couple of minutes every morning, thanking God for everything he's going to do for you and through you to others today.

Don't allow circumstances to define your positive outlook. Allow your positive outlook to influence your circumstances.

Get scared!

You might be afraid of spiders, you might be afraid of talking to someone really senior in your office, you might be afraid of what people will think if you bring in a packed lunch, or you might be afraid of how awkward the conversation would be if you invited a homeless person out for lunch.

It's easy to be afraid of things - life is full of unknowns, and negative results are a possibility...but let me tell you one thing for free:

Fear solves nothing.

Being afraid has a negative effect on you personally, and doesn't change the situation at all. So here's a good thing to do. Every day, do one thing that scares you. Once you've done it, no worries - no need to do anything scary until tomorrow. But don't let a day go by without scaring yourself on purpose.

Just see what happens!

Get focussed!

I don't know about you, but my life seems to get full to the brim of...stuff. Meetings, emails, tube delays, meals...and how much of it actually makes a difference in life?

You often hear of the 80/20 rule in business, where 80% of your effort leads to 20% of your results, and vice versa. What would happen if you worked out what your 20% was, and focussed as much attention as possible on that?

Go on, write a list. What are the top ten things that make a difference in your life? Now, prioritise those over everything else, no matter the sacrifice - it may annoy people at first, and you might experience some setbacks, but 80% beats 20% every day.

Thank you so much

I hope you've really enjoyed this little series with me, and I hope it's made a genuine difference to you.

I said in the opening post that I'm convinced that contentedness is a great state of mind to have. I truly believe that, and I believe you can be contented but still push for change, because my contentedness comes from a place outside of my life - and his name is Jesus.

SUCCESS IN 2017: STEP FOUR

We've looked at three steps to prepare for success in 2017 so far:

1. Evaluate your biggest life areas
2. Prioritise, and evaluate your thoughts and rituals
3. Prepare your mind: give yourself permission to be yourself, including accepting your past, and acknowledge what you can and can't change

Today, we're going to look at a really important fourth step, which I'll call ownership.

Own your roles

You hold many roles in life - looking at the different arenas I play in, I'm a husband, a dad, a technical specialist, a boss, an employee, a musician...some of those are more important to me than others. Which of your roles are most important to you?

Now, here's the challenge. Each of those roles belongs to you - you own them. That means that they're yours to do what you'd like with, and if you're not actively owning them, the chances are that things have started to go wrong.

It's easy to come up with excuses for not doing well in a particular role:

I'm sorry honey, I know I'm late home again, but I've got no choice but to stay in the office.

Sometimes (quite often, actually!) an excuse like that is a symptom of a lack of ownership. You're very rarely in a situation where you genuinely have no choice. You could choose to leave the office on time, and perhaps it would cost you a promotion, but which role is more important to you?

Let me tell you from experience: once you've decided up-front what your most important roles are, the tough calls become less tough, and you start to own them a whole lot more.

Own your goals

Now we get onto the exciting bits. Do you really want to see success this year? Set some big goals. Where do you want to be by 31 December 2017? How about by 2020?

Now, let's reverse engineer those, laying them over the rituals we talked about two weeks ago. What new rituals could you put in place that would point you in the direction of those goals? What would you have to do every day, every week and every month to achieve them?

And here's the secret:

Put them in your calendar.

Let's be silly for a moment. Perhaps you're single, but would like to be married. If you went on a date every night for the next six months, do you think you'd be closer, or further away from getting married? Of course you'd be closer! Of those dates, some of them may have been awful, you may miss a couple, and some you may have ended up going out with people you'd never normally choose to go out with, but who knows?

Give it a go. Set some big goals, with hard deadlines, and create some rituals today.

You can do it.

SUCCESS IN 2017: STEP THREE

Over the last two weeks, we've looked at a structured approach to prioritising life choices, and started to build an action plan to change. I hope you've started to experience a greater sense of vision, control and achievement...but we've barely scratched the surface of true, lasting success.

It's good to create a to-do list, and it needs to be supported by an attitude that turns those one-off actions into natural habits. So let's set to work on that.

Who are you?

We're bombarded every day by messages telling us to conform to other people's view of what good looks like. That might mean having a body that's a certain shape, earning a particular amount of money, living in a certain place, wearing certain clothes...

A lot of dissatisfaction in life comes from putting expectations on ourselves to be someone that we're simply not. The Bible says, "Do not be conformed to this world" (Romans 12:2), and Oscar Wilde said:

Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.

So let me encourage you to do two things:

1. Ask yourself who you really are - what you're really like - and how people try to make you be someone different. Now, resolve to simply be yourself.
2. Write down a list of life experiences that have made you who you are today - good and bad. Now, accept that you can't go back in time and change them. You are who you are, and where you are, today, because of them.

What can you change?

Over the last couple of weeks, I've written a lot about things you can do to make a difference. And I expect you've thought at some point: "I can't change [enter your own circumstances here]."

Our lives are affected by the decisions of others, including our bosses, friends, family, politicians, and simple circumstances. And we can't change a lot of that. If there won't be a chance to be promoted until your boss quits, there's nothing you can do about that!

Your satisfaction will increase when you properly realise that you can't change everything.

And here's some even better news...there are some things that you definitely can change. What are those things you've always said that other people do that you can't? What would happen if you realised you could?

Maybe it's waking up half an hour earlier every day to learn a new skill, or a language, or to pray, or to read the Bible? Maybe it's building a budget...and sticking to it!

You will see greater success when you properly realise that you can change some things.

So we've looked at understanding and prioritising the most important areas of life, we've looked at our daily thoughts and rituals, and now we've looked at the attitudes that underpin those. Next week, we're going to take it to the next level, by taking proper ownership of our own lives.

SUCCESS IN 2017: STEP TWO

While we're still in January, I thought it would be helpful for us all to walk through a life assessment and action plan together. I wrote last week about the five life indicators of health, relationships, vocation, emotions and lifestyle - if you've not read that yet, I'd recommend starting there first.

This week, we're going to dig a bit deeper.

Question 1: which of the life indicators is most important to you?

During last week's exercise, which of the five stood out to you the most? What got you the most excited or frustrated? Which matters the most?

Now, what decisions do you need to make to prioritise that area over the others?

Question 2: what is your thought trajectory?

This may take a while, because I'd like you to think about what you think about. What thoughts do you find yourself thinking most often? When you're thinking about yourself, are your thoughts along the lines of "you should do better", or "you can do it!"? What false or unsubstantiated thoughts do you find yourself thinking the most? What thoughts would you like to think more often - and how could you make that happen?

Question 3: what is your ritual trajectory?

A lot of people don't like the word ritual, but it just means repeated behaviour. What sort of thing do you find yourself doing most often? What takes up your time on your commute, or at weekends? What do you do first thing in the morning and last thing at night?

Now, if you continue with those rituals, where will they lead you? Will they make you a better person? Or are they pointless wastes of time? What could you change about those rituals?

Next steps...

We spent last and this week looking at what could change in our lives, and hopefully by now we all have good, measurable to-do lists that we're starting to tick off...but life isn't as simple as a checklist.

Next week, we're going to pick up on those areas that we can't change, because life is bigger than constant activity!

MAKE THIS YOUR FIRST STEP TO SUCCESS IN 2017

London is a busy place.

I'm not the first person in 2017 to notice that people in London are impatient, walk fast, drive close, demand convenience...and are driven to succeed.

I don't think I've met anyone since moving to London who's said:

Do you know, my life's not perfect, but I'm fine with accepting that.

More often, I encounter:

Life is great...but I still want more!

I believe that there's a big challenge to Londoners to become content with what we have, because the chances are that the challenges you and I face are real first-world problems...but equally, there's nothing wrong with setting ambitious goals and achieving them.

The year is young, and who knows what you might turn it into?

Come with me on a journey of self-discovery and future building. I'm going to post a series of blog entries walking us through some exercises I hope you find helpful.

In this first entry, we're going to dig into the five life indicators:

1 Health

Did you know that often, the most successful people in the world are also really healthy? Getting a good amount of sleep, drinking lots of water and eating healthily will all contribute to your ability to making lasting change.

2 Relationships

Who are your key relationships with? Who would you like better relationships with? Who would you like relationships with that you currently don't have? It's funny that the people with the best friendships tend to just be the friendliest people - we can all learn a lesson and be friendly.

3 Vocation

What takes up the most of your time? Is it a job, or a role in the home, or a role in society? What could you do that would make you feel more fulfilled in that?

4 Emotions

What are the three emotions you feel most of the time? How positive are those words? What could you do that would create more positive emotions?

5 Lifestyle

Where does your time and money go? How satisfied does that answer make you? How could you improve that?

Next steps...

I'd really encourage you to write down your answers to the questions above - it should lead you to a nice to-do list.

But the work's not done yet! Keep your eye on the blog, because the next entry in this series will be appearing in a week.

THE MOVE FROM SNAKE TO SMARTPHONE, AND WHAT THAT MEANS FOR YOUR FUTURE

We did not have a home telephone at all until I was about 9 years old. If I wanted to communicate with people, I wrote them a letter!

I clearly remember when we moved house, and the new place had a phone line. I was taught by my parents that when I answered the telephone to clearly say:

• my name
• our phone number
• "how can I help you?"

I was one of three boys that used to run to the sound of the phone...who is it and what do they want!

Things gradually changed.

The spinning numbers were replaced by push buttons.

The phone directory that I used to try and rip up with my bare hands when the new one arrived was replaced by the internet.

What had once been hugely thrilling can now feel intrusive. I got an answerphone so that we did not have to take calls during family mealtimes...but it also took calls at other times, and just created a list of people for me to phone back.

I was given a mobile phone when I was almost 30 years old.

The brick that I carried round could call anyone anywhere, and if I was bored I could even play ‘snake’ on it.

Freedom.

I was no longer tied to only talking to people when at home.

I didn't have to wait for the phone when someone else was using it.

The call was always for me!

This week I finally got rid of my landline.

Nobody ever seemed to call (apart from cold calls seeing if I'd been miss-sold PPI) and nobody in the house ever bothered to answer it.

But more importantly...

My smartphone can now do everything!

• I no longer use a separate camera - I can take pictures with my phone
• I can spend and move my money so do not need to visit the bank
• I can have spoken directions via Google Maps, so no longer need a London A-Z
• I have not needed to buy my kids a set of encyclopedias, as they can look up information with a swipe of a finger

For many, ‘change is considered loss’, but as 2016 comes to an end and 2017 beckons, I want to look forward optimistically.

I wonder what new things will come and how life will change into the future...and I wonder what you will do differently in 2017!

HERE IS WHAT TO DO IF YOU DON'T ENJOY YOUR JOB

I saw a video on Facebook the other day – it was headlined as something like ‘the most important thing you’ll see all month’, and I respected the person who had shared it, so I gave it a quick view.

The message of the video was essentially this:

You are going to be at work for the vast majority of your life, so make sure you’re doing something you enjoy.

This message rings true with me, as I’m sure it does with you. I don’t like the idea that I’m going to spend 40 years doing something with no purpose other than to get money to pay for stuff I can barely squeeze into my spare time.

Even if you have a stand-out ‘successful’ career and earn millions, if that’s only then used to fund a house and a family you barely see, what point is there to that really?

It all comes down to this:

Your life will be better, and you will be happier, if you’re doing something you love, even if that means taking home less money at the end of the month.

I agree.

But I don’t agree with the practical advice this video gave, which was ‘make sure you’re doing something you enjoy.’

Huh?

What would happen if we spun that around, to say instead:

Make sure you enjoy what you’re doing.

If I’m doing something I don’t enjoy, that turns me into a victim. This job is happening to me, and I’m subject to my evil boss’s nasty commands.

But if I’m not enjoying what I’m doing, that puts me in a position of power. I can solve this problem, by changing my attitude.

Instead of answering the questions of what else I could be doing that would make me happier, I’m answering the question of what I genuinely enjoy about this job I’m in. That feels a lot more positive – doesn’t that feel better?

I see the Bible telling us to be content with what we have, and I don’t see the Bible telling us that satisfaction lies in grabbing at things we don’t have.

Homework for today then: Write a list of the 100 things you most enjoy about your job, then if you bring it along on a Sunday morning and share it with me, I’ll share mine with you.

IS IT WORTH THE WEIGHT?

Great news: a new career option is available to ladies!

A significant change was made recently to the roles available to women in the British Army.  Up until recently, women have been able to make a contribution alongside their male counterparts across various roles in the army, apart from certain frontline combat roles like the infantry and tank units. A number of people believe that having women in these roles is not a good idea, while others have suggested that there should be no restrictions to what women can do in the Armed Forces.

The Government carried out a review of the involvement of women in these frontline combat roles and has come to the conclusion that women should be allowed to serve in these roles if they demonstrate ability to pass the test for entry into these units. As you can imagine, the tests for entry into these units can be very rigorous. I recently looked up the physical test for some of these combat roles. A person would have to carry 25kg of weight and run for 8 miles in military boots. This is no small challenge, even if you are used to carrying a heavy rucksack (or handbag) around. For a lot of people, even running the 8-mile distance in running shoes will be a challenge. If you have carried anything heavy for any distance, you will be familiar with the fact that the same amount of weight starts to feel heavier the longer you carry it.  This is because the weight begins to take its toll on the body and the body's ability to carry the weight diminishes over time….do you reckon you have what it takes to pass the infantry test?

I cannot see a huge influx of women rushing to join the infantry in the wake of this change in government policy. One publication estimates that the proportion of women likely to pass the current test will be less than 5% of those currently in the army. Although there are many reasons why women may not be joining the frontline combat units, the biggest reason is that the army is an organisation that is joined on a voluntary basis; no-one will be compelled to take the test to see whether they have what it takes to join the infantry. It means that most women or men will never know or care to know what it feels like to carry 25kg over 8 miles in military boots.

Having said that, many people will be familiar with the feeling of carrying emotional and psychological weight for many years.

Many people feel guilty about what they have done. Others are suffering from the guilt of what they failed to do. Some are struggling to come to terms with the actions taken by others but which have left them carrying a burden that has been difficult to shake off. Does this describe your situation?You may not be surprised to hear that, like physical weight, the effects of carrying emotional and psychological baggage can become more pronounced over time. For some, it may be the damage it has done or is doing to relationships. For others, it may be the toll that it is taking on one’s physical health or emotional wellbeing. In Psalms 32 and 38, David the psalmist wrote about some of the physical symptoms that guilt was causing including physical weakness and pain. Can you see how emotional and psychological baggage is starting to take its toll on your life?

Are you tired of carrying the weight from your past? Would you welcome some relief? Jesus offers you relief today if you are willing to accept it. He invites you to cast your burdens on him and he will offer you rest (Matthew 11:28). This is an offer that many have taken and can confirm that their burdens have been lifted. The infantry test requires you to go through the full demands of the grueling experience to secure entry into life as an infantry soldier. In contrast, by turning to Jesus with your life and all its burdens, you give yourself a real opportunity to enter into a new life...life in all its fullness!

SPIDER-MAN AND YOU HAVE AN IMPORTANT THING IN COMMON

I'm a Marvel comic book fan, have been since my junior school years. I was born the same year as the Amazing Spider-Man, 1962. I know his origin story as well as I know my own life story.  Steve Ditko and Stan Lee created a memorable character.

I love how every Marvel character has a distinct origin story and clear character traits that are consistently threaded through the story lines of the past 50 years.

Spider-Man, Peter Parker, is an orphan and unlucky in love; he's a geek, but really smart and he's usually struggling financially. He learned to his cost that with great power comes great responsibility, but little personal security.

The Incredible Hulk, Bruce Banner, is a mild-mannered scientist with an angry alter ego. Consistently misunderstood and hounded by the authorities, there's no situation that can't be improved with a double handed smash.

Marvel writers typically keep their stories consistent with the continuity established in earlier publications. But sometimes a bold writer might depart from Marvel lore, changing the character or altering their circumstances. Some fans would react favorably, some would send hate mail. (Fans have a lot invested in their childhood heroes.)

As an adult now I have a few years of adventures behind me; some I'm proud of, some I'm not.  I'm grateful that the good news of Jesus Christ is that he does not tie his followers to their earlier story lines, trying to maintain consistent continuity. He uses that foundation to build something new. A new start, a new heart and healing of the past.

Christ does not limit you based on your past. Irrespective of your socio-economic standing, your gender, your education, your race, your scars - Christ brings new life. Irrespective of past mistakes, Jesus brings hope.

---

Broken Continuity.

Skin deep scars were easy to shoulder,
while the deeper ones each hardened my heart. 
Life-long wounds still wept and smouldered, 
carving permanent paths.
Hidden cuts wouldn't stop itching, 
and beneath my smile shadows kept screaming.
Treacherous memories would sting
and bite right through my once thick skin
then slowly burrow, refusing to die,
spreading their cursed lies ...

The scars are mine, the wounds are real, 
the memories follow me, still
I was the haunted boy, the wild child. 
I was the son, loved, beaten and reviled.  
I was the dreamer. I was the drama. 
I was the fiction that made me me...... 
--
That was then, but now see,
I have a new writing team,
a change in narrative, a brand new me,
a departure from past continuity.
Now I have a team-up. 
Now I have back-up. 
And in this story arc,
I get a power-up:
one new ability,
His power to HEAL ME!

---

Life's not a comic book, it's much more exciting than that.

If you would like to know more about how Jesus changes lives, why not come along to Redeemer this Sunday. You won't find any superheroes, but you will find people enjoying renewed lives. 

ONE THING TO TURN BUSYNESS INTO BREAKTHROUGH

2016 is an Olympics year.

I’m looking forward to watching the Rio games, being reminded of the joy of London 2012. And the whole of the UK will be thinking exactly the same thing:

If only this were the Winter Olympics.

In the winter, that well-loved sport of curling appears on the TV, and Britain proves to the world why it’s Great.

No other nation on earth can say, “Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry,” at that speed, with that level of sincerity.

And I think I know why.

The West generally, the UK in particular, and very specifically London, has become a world leader in hurrying.

Recent years have seen the introduction of the takeaway espresso cup. Under what circumstances are you in so much of a hurry that you don’t have time to drink an espresso before you’ve left the coffee shop?

The other day I saw a guy who was so intent on replying to an email on his BlackBerry as soon as possible, that he actually stopped drying his hands in the bathroom to do so.

When did life get so busy that we became unable to live it?

I have a suggestion: stick time in the calendar for reflection – to stop, think, and make sure all the stuff that’s filling your time is actually helping.

Here are the rules:

• Start realistic – give yourself one hour every six months. You’ll instantly realise it isn’t enough, but this is very achievable. ISN’T IT.
• Move it, don’t delete it – if something else comes up at the same time, don’t just delete it from your calendar, move it instead. And always move it sooner!
• Think about where your life is heading – where you’ll be in 1-6 months and 1-6 years.
• Think about what you’ve learned since the last reflection time – taking the time out to do this will teach you what you should have learned already!

And one final tip, if I may.

Redeemer recently finished a set of meetups – I met up with a group every Monday morning at 7am for nine weeks.

Another set of meetups will be starting soon – make sure you sign up when the window opens, so that you get the regular time to reflect with others on what’s important in life.

LIVE IN EALING? WATCH OUT FOR THE U AND U!

Ealing must be one of the best places to live in the world.

It’s got everything! Huge parks, diverse and delicious food, and an incredible local community.

But living in Ealing brings two huge challenges.

1 Watch out for the Urgent

It doesn’t take much time living in London before your perception of time changes, does it?

An 8-minute delay on the Heathrow Connect almost breaks the internet, as the whole of Ealing Broadway leaps onto the TfL website to work out if the Central line would be quicker.

Deep down we all know 8 minutes isn’t a big deal, but it is fun to live life at full throttle. The problem is, a fast-paced life comes with a massive challenge.

Lots of stuff turns out to be urgent when you’re living fast.

Without even realising it, we end up on other people’s agendas. Think about it:

• When was the last time you started a Facebook/WhatsApp message, or do you only ever find yourself replying to others?
• When was the last time you decided, entirely off your own back, to go and apply for a job you wanted, or did you feel you had to leave, or got a call from a recruiter?
• How are you doing on those New Year’s resolutions you set less than a month ago?

Urgent things distract us from what’s important in life.

2 Watch out for the Unimportant

Probably worse than what’s urgent though, is what’s unimportant.

Let me unburden myself of the things that have filled my time so far today:

• Checked Facebook
• Watched a viral video of someone singing on the tube
• Played a game on my phone
• Read opinion pieces on the Academy Awards and the Premier League
• Caught up on one and a half episodes of Jessica Jones on Netflix
• Checked Facebook
• Read the Wikipedia pages for every main character in Jessica Jones
• Tried to get a photo of my coffee cup so the background was blurry
• Checked Facebook

I also have important things in my life; holding down a job so I can afford to live in Ealing, doing my household chores, spending time with my wife, having fun with my kids…

Surprisingly enough, the important things would benefit from us saying ‘no,’ to a couple more of those unimportant bullet points.

Let’s actually do it

Reading this could very easily turn into a waste of time, so let’s commit today to not get distracted by what’s urgent or what’s unimportant!

Tweet to your friends to tell them you’re planning on doing what’s important in 2016 by clicking here!