SUCCESS IN 2017: STEP FOUR

We've looked at three steps to prepare for success in 2017 so far:

1. Evaluate your biggest life areas
2. Prioritise, and evaluate your thoughts and rituals
3. Prepare your mind: give yourself permission to be yourself, including accepting your past, and acknowledge what you can and can't change

Today, we're going to look at a really important fourth step, which I'll call ownership.

Own your roles

You hold many roles in life - looking at the different arenas I play in, I'm a husband, a dad, a technical specialist, a boss, an employee, a musician...some of those are more important to me than others. Which of your roles are most important to you?

Now, here's the challenge. Each of those roles belongs to you - you own them. That means that they're yours to do what you'd like with, and if you're not actively owning them, the chances are that things have started to go wrong.

It's easy to come up with excuses for not doing well in a particular role:

I'm sorry honey, I know I'm late home again, but I've got no choice but to stay in the office.

Sometimes (quite often, actually!) an excuse like that is a symptom of a lack of ownership. You're very rarely in a situation where you genuinely have no choice. You could choose to leave the office on time, and perhaps it would cost you a promotion, but which role is more important to you?

Let me tell you from experience: once you've decided up-front what your most important roles are, the tough calls become less tough, and you start to own them a whole lot more.

Own your goals

Now we get onto the exciting bits. Do you really want to see success this year? Set some big goals. Where do you want to be by 31 December 2017? How about by 2020?

Now, let's reverse engineer those, laying them over the rituals we talked about two weeks ago. What new rituals could you put in place that would point you in the direction of those goals? What would you have to do every day, every week and every month to achieve them?

And here's the secret:

Put them in your calendar.

Let's be silly for a moment. Perhaps you're single, but would like to be married. If you went on a date every night for the next six months, do you think you'd be closer, or further away from getting married? Of course you'd be closer! Of those dates, some of them may have been awful, you may miss a couple, and some you may have ended up going out with people you'd never normally choose to go out with, but who knows?

Give it a go. Set some big goals, with hard deadlines, and create some rituals today.

You can do it.

FATHER IS A VERB

We're community, and the community works best with strong relationships. It can be tempting to live life with the mantra "Family first", to put me and mine before those I rub shoulders with daily. But that path deprives us of community. I was fortunate to have strong role models around me outside my immediate family to supplement the parenting I got at home.  That helped mould me as a person.

I now live as part of a local community in Ealing and as part of a church community called Redeemer.  I'm thankful that I still benefit from the support and friendship of those I worship with.

One aspect of this is benefiting from the fatherly care of my pastor and people like him.

The poem that follows celebrates this fathering I've received over the years, from older cousins, mentors, friends and pastors.  And from my late dad, the 'Honey Monster'.

(With great thanks to Godfrey Rust, who wrote a wonderful poem called 'Church is a verb'.)

Father is a verb.

Father's Day; and
Father Christmas
have tried to convince us,
but don't be fooled:
You can, may or will father,
depending on your mood.
For father is a verb.

It only works in the transitive;
you can't father alone,
only in relationship.

It doesn't resent hospital trips,
and offers wrap-around comfort
when a partnership
splits.

It's touch-line volume
drowns out all rivals.
And belly laughs come standard
with jokes on recycle.
Yes, father is a verb.

It's something that men do,
despite the hour,
it drives right on through
the night when life’s gone sour.
It'll hammer ten finger nails
to get the job done.

It will dance, heedless of decorum
forgetting reputation
(- with an ill-suited hat on).

It turns manliness
into awesome-men-ness,
it tempers strength
with a dose of gentleness. Yes,
father is a verb.

It works in the singular:
I can father;
you can father
      (I'm not talking sex here;
      that takes a partner.)
It works in the plural:
we can father; and
they can father, because,
you see, in this village
it's an joint activity,
we father (and mother)
collaboratively.

It works best in the present tense,
happening now, not "LATER!"
-
It can be said in a gentle voice
or something - even - quieter;

sometimes active: directive, protecting;
but often responsive: just sitting, listening;
...holding and hugging;
it responds to need, you see,
but works best
proactively,
works great
sacrificially.

For example,

though it cost him dearly,
God Fathers us
and through us daily.
And one day, suit pressed,
He'll proudly walk
with the bride of Christ.
And as Father of the bride,
He'll host the party and blow the price;

(- BIGGEST - bar-bill - EVER)

And we'll be sure to save at least one dance
for Father.

Oh yes, you heard:
Father is a verb.

If you are looking for community, you'll find it at Redeemer.  Come and introduce yourself.

THE SIX BIGGEST THINGS I MISS ABOUT MY DAUGHTER

I wonder how many of us in Ealing are living here whilst family members are living miles away?

It can be a challenge not seeing our loved ones, despite technology helping us keep in touch.

This year my daughter is doing a gap year in Uganda -  over 4,000 miles away. She left England in October and will not be back until July - 9 months later! The longest she had ever been away until now was one week, so 9 months feels like a really long time!

She is volunteering for Smile International which has involved:

• teaching in a local school
• helping with their hospital ministry
• supporting families
• helping to run outreach events through the church they are partnering with.

I am so proud of what she is doing and how she is coping living away from home - not only shopping and cooking for herself and others, finding her way around and making new friends, but also washing her own clothes by hand!

She moaned about having to use the washing machine to wash her own stuff at home!

But even though I am proud of what she is doing I miss her loads...

I have particularly missed her at special family occasions such as Christmas, Mother's Day and my birthday but to be honest I just miss not having her around generally.

• I miss our chats in her room - often laying on her bed finding out how her day had been or telling her about mine
• I miss watching DVDs on her bed together – our favourite being The Musketeers, or a good chick flick
• I miss listening to her putting on different accents (Australian being the most cultivated one) whilst revising for exams - don't ask me why but we both used to be in stitches so it certainly livened up the revision!
• I miss her making me cups of tea – she had my exact requirements pretty mastered before she left
• I miss not being able to give her a hug and tell her I love her in person
• I miss her noise…the house is very quiet without her!

My daughter, Lois, is so full of life, energy and fun, loud and vivacious and underneath very caring, loyal and compassionate towards others.

Being a mum has been one of the best things I have had the privilege of doing. It can at times feel like a heavy investment - endless sleepless nights (both for babies and teenagers!), selfless serving, giving yourself emotionally, physically and financially, running around after them, praying for them, trying to negotiate with them, not to mention the endless washing, cooking and clearing up...but it is great to watch them as they leave home and take on responsibilities and challenges – to know that you have been a part of shaping who they have become and to realise that they are now investing in others around the world.

Are your family far away?

What do you miss about them?

I see the church as a family too – a place to belong, a place to share life with others, to make memories together, to show love and commitment, to encourage one another and be there for one another in life’s challenges.

Why not come along to Redeemer and see for yourself!

The Bible says:

God sets the lonely in families

Have you found a family in Ealing yet?

ONE FATHER'S THOUGHTS ABOUT A MOTHER ADAPTING TO A NEVER-CHANGING SON

I am the father of two adults, Amy (24) and Ethan (23). I still shout: 'Hi, kids', when I greet them. 

They don't seem to mind.

They are all grown up, working and making their own decisions about loving and living. Our relationship has changed over time, from me entertaining them, then training them, maintaining them and now relating to them as fellow adults.

It's been a challenge, but we've adapted.

And I'm still relying on my heavenly Father to show me how to best support them.

'Cos I'm still their dad.

I've been wondering what it might have been like for the parents of Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Bringing up the Son of God as a child, as a teen and then watching him attain adulthood probably wasn't all plain sailing. How did they relate to him? We get a few glimpses in the gospels, but not many.

It's apparent that Joseph died before Jesus reached 30. Did Mary bring Jesus up on her own or did Joseph die much later, perhaps triggering the start of Jesus' travels? We don't know. We do know that Mary followed Jesus. We know she was part of the group who formed the early church, as were his brothers.

So I wonder what it was like for Mary to pray to the ascended Jesus after bringing him up - knee scrapes, adolescence and all.

How did she adapt from mother to worshipper? 

Here's how I imagine how an early prayer to Jesus from Mary might have sounded.

Mary's prayer to the ascended Jesus

O Lord, my Saviour, my spirit rejoices in you, for you...
- 
Oh, Jesus. This isn't as easy as I thought it would be. 
Oh, my son, my child, my beloved child - now my Saviour. 
My whole being worships you, and yet in my heart I still treasure those times when it was just you and me. 
Holding you close, hearing your first words, shepherding you as you took your first steps, watching over you... 
And now you watch over me. 
- 
Jesus, my heart still aches when I recall your body arched in pain, bleeding. Your cries still haunt me. It's hard to shake the image of your lifeless body
wrapped in cloth and lying - in a tomb. 
- 
Forgive me, dear son; I almost lost my mind with grief. I was blinded with my tears, and in my fear I didn't understand.  
- 
And then, when I saw you again, whole, restored...
Oh how I loved to see that smile again, to feel your arms around me once more, to hear your laughter, to draw in your warmth as we shared a meal.
Just like we used to. 
But you were taken again so soon. I know you had to go, but oh, how I missed you. 
-
But I'll tell your story - so many want to hear my story. The boys promise to write it down, but I'll still tell. It thrills me every time I tell it, for how can written words capture you, your love, your presence. 
- 
You spoke of a gift, you said that if we waited here in Jerusalem, we would be bathed in YOUR Holy Spirit. 
And now I see. 
I almost weep with joy when I hear young John and the rest of your friends
speaking in your name.
I recognise your voice, you see.  I recognise your heart, in their words. 
It's just like you're still here. 
Thank you for not leaving your old mum alone. 
I'll see you soon, my Jesus. 

How about you?

• What stage of life are your children at?
• Have they grown up and built their own lives?
• How has your relationship adapted?
• What heartaches and highs do you look back on? 
• And how about your parents - how well has your relationship with them adapted along the way?

The wonderful thing about worshipping Jesus, son of man and Son of God, is that he can relate.

Whatever stage your life is at, you can ask him to support and guide you. His Spirit is still available to those who seek Him.

MY MATERNITY LEAVE CHALLENGE...AND YOUR OPPORTUNITY

Since being on maternity leave I have loved hanging out with my two boys.

I feel incredibly blessed to be a mummy, and thank God every day for the two little dudes he blessed me with.

But after six months I was getting itchy feet to do something other than:

• changing nappies
• sterilising bottles
• washing clothes
• cleaning the house
• dressing boys
• (followed by undressing boys when one is sick all over himself and the other one hasn't made it to the bathroom in time)

As much as I love doing all of these things, I felt like I needed an extra challenge to add to my week!

Redeemer's just finished running its first term of meetups.

I had the pleasure of hosting a parent and toddler meetup at my home. I invited parents from Redeemer, as well as other local mums that I've met over the last few years.

Despite being a reception teacher at a local primary school, for some crazy reason I felt the need to turn my own home into a classroom for 9 weeks!

My flat was full of baby equipment and all sorts of toys. It felt like mayhem, but the kids had a blast.

It turns out toy trains, cars and the play kitchen were the most popular toys!

We sang songs together, and snack time was loved by all (adults and kids).

Mums enjoyed connecting with one another, sharing stories and advice about the latest milestone their children were going through.

It was a great experience I felt privileged to be a part of, and I met some cheeky adorable kids and some incredible new mum friends throughout.

I had 49 kids and parents through my door over the 9 weeks!

When our final session came to an end earlier this week, one thought came to mind:

Why should this end?

The answer is - it shouldn't!

I am heading back to work next month, and will be surrounded by many other kids that will keep me busy...but the opportunity is there for someone else to host next term!

As I summarised my ramblings of my last blog in 5 easy steps I thought I would do the same:

1. Take on new challenges
   The tots group is just my example of taking a risk in leading something new. You could lead a meetup in the future!
2. Use your skills to connect with others
   I've discovered I'm actually good at being with kids! It's probably because I am a big kid at heart (and so is my husband, he keeps me young). Think about what your skills are - how can this help you connect with people locally and build friendships?
3. Try not to focus on WOE IS ME
   Don't feel sorry for yourself if you feel that you don't have any friends and haven't been invited to things. That was their loss not having you there. Instead, make the first move and...
4. Invite people to an event
   It doesn't have to be in your own home. It doesn't have to be run by you. Everyone loves being invited to something. From experience, not everyone will turn up - so be brave, and invite twice the amount you were planning on.
5. Love being local! (That's my blog copyright if you'd not noticed)
   Enjoy your surroundings, the people around you and what Ealing has to offer.

WHAT A MISSING CHILD REVEALS TO EALING PARENTS

APPEAL TO FIND MISSING BOY, AGED 12

The authorities in Jerusalem are appealing for the public's help in locating a missing boy from Nazareth (GALILEE).

Jesus Barjoseph, 12, was last seen near the Susa Gate five days ago. We are concerned for his welfare.

Jesus - described as a serious boy and mature for his age - is olive-skinned, 4' 8" tall, and of slim to medium build with shoulder-length black hair.

He is understood to be wearing a brown and tan tunic and black sandles, carrying a small satchel.

Jesus is familiar with the area around the Temple Mount and the Mount of Olives.

His mother, Mary, says, "Jesus, if you read this, please contact us. We are not angry with you, just very anxious."

Jesus also goes by the name 'Son of Man'.

It's scary just how many children go missing each day in the UK alone. MissingKids tells us that a child goes missing every three minutes.

In a country where child abduction and abuse is regularly reported, and Ealing we know is no exception, I can only try to imagine what the parents go through.

My son is now in his 20s. At the time of writing one of his close friends from South Ealing is missing. Last weekend they made plans to meet midweek, but by then he was the subject of a Met Police alert.

His mum and his friends are left in the limbo of anxiety until more news is known.

The emotions of the last few days made the account of Jesus going missing at the age of 12 that much more heart breaking.

Jesus' family

We don't know much about Jesus' childhood. We know he was entrusted to two devout, loving parents. They weren't a wealthy family (the offering sacrificed at his purification rites, 2 doves, was that allowed for those who couldn't afford a lamb). His father, Joseph, was a carpenter, providing for several children. We presume he died before Jesus started his ministry as an adult, as he doesn't get a mention in any of the biographies of Jesus after the 12 year-old Jesus is found.

Luke, the author of one of these biographies, tells us that Jesus' parents had taken him to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover for the first time at the age of 12.  It was an annual trip for them, but this time they took their eldest son. The trip was shared with friends, and the journey back home was planned with the same group.

The journey lasted five days:

1. Mary and Joseph started out back home, confident that Jesus was with their party.  One day out from Jerusalem, they realised he wasn't with the group. Their child had been missing a whole day.
2. They headed back, puzzled, anxious, (more likely distraught) and perhaps a little angry at themselves.
3. Mary and Joseph started searching.
4. And searching.
5. After three days searching they found him. In the temple courts. He was calmly in discussion with the teachers there!

(I know what I would have said to those teachers had I been Joseph.)

Jesus was fine, "safe in his Father's house."

It may make sense to us thanks to thousands of years of hindsight, but Mary and Joseph were confused and upset. And what was Jesus' explanation? "Didn't you know I'd be about my Father's business?" Mary and Joseph didn't understand, and took him back home.

Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favour with God and man.

I take two lessons away from this account from Luke.

First, God's universal plan asked for his son, Jesus, to lead a typical human life, full of the normal milestones for boys in that society.  This is why it's easy to connect with Jesus; he's been where we are.

However, his priorities were a little different from his peers.  He gave first place to 'his Father's business'.

I have to ask myself, is that the way we live? Do we model that approach to day to day living for our children to follow?

Second, his parents deserve full credit for raising the Messiah as their son.  If this account is anything to go by, it wasn't always easy.

What have you learned?

What would be your biggest parenting lessons? Why not email them in to blog@redeemerlondon.org so we can compile them into a future post?