ESTHER-MARIA CORNFORD, who is part of Redeemer Church London, reveals in her testimony how God broke the shackles of her past and will never let her down.
Jesus Christ came into my life unexpectedly in 2017 and transformed me and my life in the most wonderful ways. Through Him, I have found love, freedom, and grace.
I grew up as part of an atheist family in Germany. My childhood and adolescence were largely marked by a series of traumatic events.
I witnessed the difficult breakdown of my parents’ marriage and several of their subsequent relationships, experienced physical and emotional abuse and neglect, and lost family members in a variety of different ways.
Often, I was left feeling hopeless, unworthy of love, lonely, and depressed. The lack of stability in my life caused me to be untrusting and confrontational. I felt that I could not possibly forgive the people who had hurt me. These negative feelings caused inner turmoil within me.
Yet, something changed when I was 13 years old. A friend invited me to go to church with her one Sunday and I went along, not expecting or wanting to meet God, but I believe I did. When I walked into this church, I felt a sudden rush of warmth flood my body.
In that moment, I felt secure and loved. I did not understand the feeling or Who or what was behind it, but I felt a clear presence.
From this day on, I took classes about Christianity for a year, got christened and confirmed in the Lutheran church, and started reading the Bible and praying sporadically.
This year was simultaneously one of the hardest years of my life, as I experienced abandonment and violence, got bullied at school, and lost my aunt and uncle in a car accident.
At 14 years of age, I stayed with my cousin, who had lost his parents in this accident, in hospital while he was undergoing operations and recovering from the crash. The hospital we stayed in had a chapel, which I visited to pray and ask God for help and strength, which he gave me.
But as the years went by I became more and more withdrawn. In order to deal with the memories, feelings, and more unfortunate life experiences, I turned to self-destructive methods, such as self-harming.
In 2017, I moved to London to study Musical Theatre. Within the first week of living here, I was once again invited to church by my dear friend, Reuben.
When I attended my first service at Redeemer Church London, I met Jesus Christ. For the first time, my eyes and ears were opened and I understood what I was actually saying as I was singing and worshipping.
I truly understood the Gospel. God revealed to me who He truly is: not some positive spiritual force, but a person who I can have a relationship with.
Jesus revealed Himself to me as a Brother and Friend. For the first time, I felt God the Father welcome me into His loving arms. More than anything, I felt grace, freedom, forgiveness, and love. I physically felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders and the shackles of my past breaking.
Jesus has changed how I view myself and my purpose in life because I no longer want to live for myself, but for Him. Firstly, entering into a relationship with Jesus has taught me that while humans have let me down, hurt me, and left me time and time again, He never will. Only Jesus can truly satisfy, heal, and make us whole.
Through spending time with Jesus, I have been able to start my healing process, grow, and forgive those I never thought I would be able to forgive.
Where I was once self-seeking, obstinate, and closed off, I am now open, humbled, and wanting to love everyone. I have found inner peace.
While I came to this country specifically to pursue a career which would allow me to act as someone else and entertain people with my abilities, I now want to always show others who I truly am in Christ Jesus, and use what God has given me to help others.
Therefore, I have even changed the career I am pursuing to fit my new purpose in life because God is worth it and my heart has been transformed completely.
No one’s life is perfect. Having Jesus in my life has not fully taken away all of my pain and grief. What He has given me though is a new perspective. He is my ever present help in trouble, my Lord and Saviour, who I can speak to and lean on.
However, more than that He is a holy and praiseworthy God. He has saved me from the disasters in my past because He is good and to bring glory to His precious Name.
Wherever you come from and whatever circumstances you have faced in your life, God can use them for your good and His glory, and He can bring healing even to the most broken of hearts.
Throughout the years since I've become a Christian, Jesus has continued to be faithfully at work in my life. Growing up I did not have positive male role models to teach me how men and women should relate to each other healthily. Yet now I get to give glory to God for the wonderful husband He has given me.
Together we have welcomed our first child and our expecting our second. Our daughters are a blessing and gift that I can only humbly praise God for.
God the Father has drawn me into closer relationship with Him every year - revealing Himself to me ever more graciously, sanctifying me, and showing me more of Who He is.
He has answered prayer upon prayer, He has been with me through some highs and lows, He has grown me, and He has blessed me.
I continue to give thanks to God for the way in which He has taken me out of brokenness into wholeness, joy, and a life I can live to the full through Him and by His grace alone for His glory alone.
