My testimony - Esther-Maria Cornford

ESTHER-MARIA CORNFORD, who is part of Redeemer Church London, reveals in her testimony how God broke the shackles of her past and will never let her down.

Jesus Christ came into my life unexpectedly in 2017 and transformed me and my life in the most wonderful ways. Through Him, I have found love, freedom, and grace.

I grew up as part of an atheist family in Germany. My childhood and adolescence were largely marked by a series of traumatic events.

I witnessed the difficult breakdown of my parents’ marriage and several of their subsequent relationships, experienced physical and emotional abuse and neglect, and lost family members in a variety of different ways.

Often, I was left feeling hopeless, unworthy of love, lonely, and depressed. The lack of stability in my life caused me to be untrusting and confrontational. I felt that I could not possibly forgive the people who had hurt me. These negative feelings caused inner turmoil within me.

Yet, something changed when I was 13 years old. A friend invited me to go to church with her one Sunday and I went along, not expecting or wanting to meet God, but I believe I did. When I walked into this church, I felt a sudden rush of warmth flood my body.

In that moment, I felt secure and loved. I did not understand the feeling or Who or what was behind it, but I felt a clear presence.

From this day on, I took classes about Christianity for a year, got christened and confirmed in the Lutheran church, and started reading the Bible and praying sporadically.

This year was simultaneously one of the hardest years of my life, as I experienced abandonment and violence, got bullied at school, and lost my aunt and uncle in a car accident.

At 14 years of age, I stayed with my cousin, who had lost his parents in this accident, in hospital while he was undergoing operations and recovering from the crash. The hospital we stayed in had a chapel, which I visited to pray and ask God for help and strength, which he gave me.

But as the years went by I became more and more withdrawn. In order to deal with the memories, feelings, and more unfortunate life experiences, I turned to self-destructive methods, such as self-harming.

In 2017, I moved to London to study Musical Theatre. Within the first week of living here, I was once again invited to church by my dear friend, Reuben.

When I attended my first service at Redeemer Church London, I met Jesus Christ. For the first time, my eyes and ears were opened and I understood what I was actually saying as I was singing and worshipping.

I truly understood the Gospel. God revealed to me who He truly is: not some positive spiritual force, but a person who I can have a relationship with.

Jesus revealed Himself to me as a Brother and Friend. For the first time, I felt God the Father welcome me into His loving arms. More than anything, I felt grace, freedom, forgiveness, and love. I physically felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders and the shackles of my past breaking.

Jesus has changed how I view myself and my purpose in life because I no longer want to live for myself, but for Him. Firstly, entering into a relationship with Jesus has taught me that while humans have let me down, hurt me, and left me time and time again, He never will. Only Jesus can truly satisfy, heal, and make us whole.

Through spending time with Jesus, I have been able to start my healing process, grow, and forgive those I never thought I would be able to forgive.

Where I was once self-seeking, obstinate, and closed off, I am now open, humbled, and wanting to love everyone. I have found inner peace.

While I came to this country specifically to pursue a career which would allow me to act as someone else and entertain people with my abilities, I now want to always show others who I truly am in Christ Jesus, and use what God has given me to help others.

Therefore, I have even changed the career I am pursuing to fit my new purpose in life because God is worth it and my heart has been transformed completely.

No one’s life is perfect. Having Jesus in my life has not fully taken away all of my pain and grief. What He has given me though is a new perspective. He is my ever present help in trouble, my Lord and Saviour, who I can speak to and lean on.

However, more than that He is a holy and praiseworthy God. He has saved me from the disasters in my past because He is good and to bring glory to His precious Name.

Wherever you come from and whatever circumstances you have faced in your life, God can use them for your good and His glory, and He can bring healing even to the most broken of hearts.

Throughout the years since I've become a Christian, Jesus has continued to be faithfully at work in my life. Growing up I did not have positive male role models to teach me how men and women should relate to each other healthily. Yet now I get to give glory to God for the wonderful husband He has given me.

Together we have welcomed our first child and our expecting our second. Our daughters are a blessing and gift that I can only humbly praise God for.

God the Father has drawn me into closer relationship with Him every year - revealing Himself to me ever more graciously, sanctifying me, and showing me more of Who He is.

He has answered prayer upon prayer, He has been with me through some highs and lows, He has grown me, and He has blessed me.

I continue to give thanks to God for the way in which He has taken me out of brokenness into wholeness, joy, and a life I can live to the full through Him and by His grace alone for His glory alone.

My testimony - Mandy Hudson

Redeemer Church London member MANDY HUDSON shares her testimony on how God has helped her through tough trials in her life - and why her relationship with Him has given her purpose and meaning.

“I have made, I will bear, even I will carry and will deliver you.” (Isaiah 46:4b)

Mine was a difficult birth. I experienced lack of oxygen which resulted in Cerebral Palsy affecting my left side. The prognosis was bleak. At nine months, my mother was told I would be unable to walk, talk or really be able to understand, progress or learn.

God had blessed my mother with great determination and persistence. She set about a seemingly endless round of physiotherapy, speech therapy, ballet, horse riding and swimming.

I walked at 12 months, jumped waves at the seaside when I was three. At five, I went to the same mainstream school as my brothers. I still couldn’t speak very well, but I enjoyed learning, especially reading.

This is a story of how Jesus has transformed my life. In my family, that revolution began with my eldest brother becoming a Christian. The change in his character was extraordinary. He became much kinder and thoughtful towards his little sister.

When I went to secondary school, I started going to a Christian group my brother attended. I was given a booklet which explained how God had made the world perfect, but we had rebelled and wanted our own way. Sin had ruined our lives and the world. However, God had come into the world as Jesus. He had died on the cross for our sin and made it possible to be made right with God again and find our purpose in life.

There was a prayer at the end of the book which I said. It was the first time I felt the presence of God.

I discovered that Christianity is actually a relationship rather than a religion. My relationship with Jesus developed through long nights of pain as a teenager when my left knee was injured. This was the time God taught me about prayer. I found out prayer is a conversation in which I can pour out my heart to God. My circumstances don’t always change, but he always reassures me.

The years went by. I grew up, took exams, went to York University and I was even fit enough to get around by bicycle!

I’m writing about God’s continuing faithfulness.

God has not chosen to heal me physically but has instead used my disability to help others. I finished university, became a teacher and moved back into my parents’ home for 10 years. During these years I became a disability activist through the inspiration of the Greater Manchester Coalition of Disabled People (GMCDP). God has put me in a unique position to campaign for the rights of disabled people from my own experience.

After completing a master’s degree, I was looking for the next phase of my teaching career. God opened the way for me to move to London. It was then the Bible verse at the top of this story came to my attention.

I began to realise that God had made me just as he wanted me – Cerebral Palsy included. He had borne me up throughout my life so far and would carry and deliver me the rest of the way!

I’d completely underestimated how physically hard I’d find living in London on my own. But no matter what, Jesus was there as my constant companion. This may seem strange to you, that a remote figure who lived thousands of years ago could offer us friendship, but it is true.

Life with Jesus isn’t always an instant cure to all the ills of life. In 2007 I found myself physically and emotionally exhausted once more. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and had to take 16 weeks off work. There were times when I felt confused, sad and frustrated, as if I was in freefall. I found myself again having to endure long, dark, sleepless nights, this time with whirling anxiety as well as physical pain. Thankfully, slowly, God helped me through. He helped me find a new rhythm of life with more variety. He even helped me to train as a swimming teacher!

I like activity and busyness, but that is physically and emotionally challenging every day. I believe God has continued to use me to campaign for disability rights through a local care co-op. Being a Christian means that I have learnt to see such good causes with a deeper spiritual perspective. My relationship with God gives me purpose and meaning in life.

I have recently retired from 37 years as a classroom teacher. I am so grateful that God has continued to demonstrate His faithfulness by enabling me to continue to work as a swimming teacher. In all the ups and downs of life I am living proof Jesus is my hope. Every day, I am thankful for the breath God has put in me. I pray you will discover that joy too.

My testimony - Stephan Amaranath

Redeemer Church London member STEPHAN AMARANATH shares his testimony, revealing how being assaulted nearly a decade ago left him questioning God - before the Lord provided him with the answer he needed.

Back in 2016, I was assaulted one Sunday evening, and found myself questioning why God had allowed it to happen. Following the incident, I started to question God: Where was he? Why would he let this happen to me? I thought he loved me? I felt very alone and needed answers. Why hadn't God rescued me?

I was born in 1991 in London into a Christian family where my mother in fact came from a Hindu background. My parents had given their lives to Christ and were born again Christians before I was born. I have four sisters, two of whom live in Canada - we were a very close family unit and I felt loved and safe growing up. Growing up in a Christian household, I attended church regularly from a very young age and very much enjoyed Sunday school.

Unfortunately, God did not figure much in my life during my undergraduate degree. Being away from home for the first time and being exposed to a new world I was unprotected from, my faith and God were not priorities. However, I started attending Redeemer Church London after graduating from the University of Sussex and moving back home in 2012.

The sense of community and being made to feel welcomed from the get go, is what I loved most about Redeemer. Being at there has helped me in my walk with God as I’ve had the opportunity to surround myself with people on fire for God and have had the opportunity for accountability with the men from the church.

I then went on to complete my masters at the University of Kent in 2019, which helped me land my current role working for the NHS.

I currently work with adults with learning disabilities. My past experience has been working with those with special educational needs and disabilities and I very much love my career to date.

Up until the time of the assault in 2016, I had experienced some setbacks and bad experiences such as being bullied, being mugged once before and being in Sri Lanka during the 2004 tsunami (these are stories for another time). Despite these experiences, I did feel I was in control of my life and lived a fairly safe life, thanks to my family and upbringing.

But that assault in 2016 was different! I was shaken deep inside and was doubting the goodness of God as I never had before! To my surprise, God gave me an answer.

I got sent a short yet nourishing verse, “I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4). Suddenly, I realised why I couldn’t feel or see God’s comfort or care that day. He is always there, whether or not I sense him. When I call out to him, he'll never fail me.

God doesn't take away hard times, but we can certainly find strength and hope knowing that he will always be with us and will help us through. If we have gone through life trusting in our own judgement, we may find it harder to submit to God and his plan for us. If we refuse to see God’s hand and direction in our lives, we may never know just how good he can be to us.

“Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!” (Psalm 34:8) We will face many hard times. Some of these are inevitable and beyond our control, but these can be endured with God’s help.

Some of our anguish and affliction is self-imposed and can be avoided, yet God still offers peace as we gather the courage to make the necessary changes in our lives. God’s forgiveness and affectionate approval can give us peace as we face hard times, even when the hurting we face is our very own fault.

He has the authority to guide us down the path of life; he has already conquered all the barriers that stand in the way!

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)