FOUR WORDS THAT WILL TRANSFORM THE WAY YOU DEAL WITH PEOPLE

It is what it is.

That phrase is used a lot in my workplace.

It's one of those silly work sayings that means nothing until you're in work, and then it means everything. Just like:

• Let's touch base.
• Let's take that offline.
• We really need more of a helicopter view.
• Let's focus on the low hanging fruit.
• We can get back together once we've got all our ducks in a row.

But I like saying that it is what it is. It makes me feel better when making a decision that brings a down-side with it.

• Getting someone in to look at our oven costs a lot? It is what it is.
• Taking a Thursday off to help at Crafternoon leads to an extremely busy Friday? It is what it is.
• Grocery delivery ran out of bread? It is what it is.

But for Anna - my wife - the phrase is more than a touch ridiculous.

Of course it is what it is! What else would it be?!

But sometimes putting language around something can help to define it, and help us to understand it.

This is particularly important when it comes to relating to people. People are all unique, but using language to describe common features can be helpful in understanding why some people are so unique!

So allow me to categorise everyone in the whole world, using a model developed by Roger Reid and John Merrill.

Begin by thinking about whether you prefer to talk or listen, and whether you prefer to deal with people or facts.

• Talking + people: Expressive. You enjoy being centre of attention, laughing a lot, and team games. Pictures on slides are much more fun than words, and the only good thing about spreadsheets is making pretty graphs that tell a story. People may perceive you as being flippant.
• Talking + facts: Directive. The motto you give your people is ‘Be brief, be bright, be gone.’ You like to look at the big facts, tell people what you think, and expect them to act on it. You’re ambitious, and people can sometimes perceive you as being arrogant.
• Listening + people: Amiable. You don’t like being put under lots of pressure at work, but can be a dependable part of any team. You prefer stability over change. You’re the person who likes to get to know their colleagues at a personal level. Everyone who meets you thinks you’re nice…but perhaps the perception is that you’re not quite motivated enough.
• Listening + facts: Analytical. You’re a details guru. Your strength isn’t in thinking on your feet, but give you five minutes with a spreadsheet and you’ll pick flaws in anyone’s idea. Some people perceive you as being socially awkward.

Don't worry if you don't like being categorised like this, that's because you're Analytical. (Jokes.)

I find this model really helpful, but there's something I've found even more helpful when dealing with people.

Just be friendly.

I've discovered that the secret to getting on with anyone is just to be friendly - everyone likes that!

I'm sorry, but it is what it is.

And I have the perfect offer to make you, to allow you to be friendly.

Redeemer is about to open up registration for the new set of meetups. Sign up for one as soon as you can.

Don't miss out!

MY MATERNITY LEAVE CHALLENGE...AND YOUR OPPORTUNITY

Since being on maternity leave I have loved hanging out with my two boys.

I feel incredibly blessed to be a mummy, and thank God every day for the two little dudes he blessed me with.

But after six months I was getting itchy feet to do something other than:

• changing nappies
• sterilising bottles
• washing clothes
• cleaning the house
• dressing boys
• (followed by undressing boys when one is sick all over himself and the other one hasn't made it to the bathroom in time)

As much as I love doing all of these things, I felt like I needed an extra challenge to add to my week!

Redeemer's just finished running its first term of meetups.

I had the pleasure of hosting a parent and toddler meetup at my home. I invited parents from Redeemer, as well as other local mums that I've met over the last few years.

Despite being a reception teacher at a local primary school, for some crazy reason I felt the need to turn my own home into a classroom for 9 weeks!

My flat was full of baby equipment and all sorts of toys. It felt like mayhem, but the kids had a blast.

It turns out toy trains, cars and the play kitchen were the most popular toys!

We sang songs together, and snack time was loved by all (adults and kids).

Mums enjoyed connecting with one another, sharing stories and advice about the latest milestone their children were going through.

It was a great experience I felt privileged to be a part of, and I met some cheeky adorable kids and some incredible new mum friends throughout.

I had 49 kids and parents through my door over the 9 weeks!

When our final session came to an end earlier this week, one thought came to mind:

Why should this end?

The answer is - it shouldn't!

I am heading back to work next month, and will be surrounded by many other kids that will keep me busy...but the opportunity is there for someone else to host next term!

As I summarised my ramblings of my last blog in 5 easy steps I thought I would do the same:

1. Take on new challenges
   The tots group is just my example of taking a risk in leading something new. You could lead a meetup in the future!
2. Use your skills to connect with others
   I've discovered I'm actually good at being with kids! It's probably because I am a big kid at heart (and so is my husband, he keeps me young). Think about what your skills are - how can this help you connect with people locally and build friendships?
3. Try not to focus on WOE IS ME
   Don't feel sorry for yourself if you feel that you don't have any friends and haven't been invited to things. That was their loss not having you there. Instead, make the first move and...
4. Invite people to an event
   It doesn't have to be in your own home. It doesn't have to be run by you. Everyone loves being invited to something. From experience, not everyone will turn up - so be brave, and invite twice the amount you were planning on.
5. Love being local! (That's my blog copyright if you'd not noticed)
   Enjoy your surroundings, the people around you and what Ealing has to offer.

MANAGERS MIGHT MOVE MOLEHILL-MOUNTAINS BY AN M-WORD

Have you ever met a problem that wasn't really a problem, then that became a problem?

Maybe that wasn't clear enough. I'll try again.

Sometimes in life, or marriage, or work, you come across a 'problem'. It's not really a PROBLEM, but now that you've noticed the 'problem', it's definitely a problem. So you stop doing everything else to look at the 'problem'. And now that's the PROBLEM. The original 'problem' is still a problem, but it was never a PROBLEM until you identified it as a problem! (Breathe.)

Or let's use an analogy, for no other reason than to use the word 'problem' less.

A train is charging across Europe at 150mph. For some unknown reason, someone has built a brick wall across the track - concrete, steel reinforcements, the whole shebang. And the train ploughs straight into it.

Shebang!

The train is slowed, ever-so-slightly. And there are some scratches. But no-one was hurt, the wall is no more, and the train is continuing towards its destination.

The wall was real, but the train's momentum carried it straight through.

Imagine the train was stationary by the time it reached the wall - there's no way it would have even started moving because of the wall - in fact, if the wall were removed but a single brick had been left in the way, the train would struggle to set off.

We all encounter problems in life. Some are our own fault, some are forced upon us by others, and some are just bad circumstances.

And we have a choice to make: will we plough through them at 150mph, or will we slow down, stop, and turn the 'problem' into a PROBLEM?

John Maxwell, the well-known leadership coach, said:

Managers try to solve problems; leaders try to create momentum.

When you have enough momentum, even the largest problems seem inconsequential - the real question is how to create momentum.

Let me give two ideas:

1. Constantly think about where you might get to. The train is focussed on only one thing: reaching its destination. What would happen in your marriage if all you ever dreamed about was your spouse's happiness? Let me tell you, they'd get happier, because like it or not you'd start to act on that thought!
2. Just keep moving. We tend to think that action is caused by momentum, but logically this simply isn't right! Start acting on top of the dreaming; the results - the momentum - will develop, and the problems will pale in comparison.

Of course, the best way to learn is to get experience.

Redeemer is constantly on the lookout for people who are Dreamers and Doers. Might that be you?

Get in touch by emailing serving@redeemerlondon.org to find out more.

HOW CHANGING ONE THING UNLOCKS LEADERSHIP OPPORTUNITIES

I experienced something frustrating at work recently.

I had asked someone to finish some work for me by Friday. Friday came and went, and no work was forthcoming.

The next week, he promised it to me by the next Friday. I tried to call him that Friday to make sure that was still going to happen, but he’d gone on holiday!

I was now being chased heavily by my boss, so the week after I made it clear the work really needed doing…and he said he couldn’t do it because he was now busy with other things.

This guy was fast becoming an expert in making problems for me.

And I realised that a few years ago, I’d been exactly the same.

I learned a tough lesson when I first started being given responsibility:

People don’t want to work with you if you create more problems than solutions.

So in my story earlier on, the problem wasn’t just that the work was overrunning, it was the broken promises and then simply saying: ‘It can’t be done.’

Instead...

• He could have said at the outset that he didn’t have the time.
• He could have suggested someone else to do the work in his place.
• He could have explained that other work would stop him from finishing, and introduced me to his other bosses.

Each of us will encounter situations where others’ expectations of us are unrealistic.

The key to turning those false expectations into realistic opportunities is to:

1. Explain why there’s a problem, and what it is.
2. Suggest a solution that they’re free to challenge.
3. Make a promise that you know you can keep (and probably beat).

Doing this does three clear things:

1. It proves that you understand that person’s needs, and how important it is to meet them well.
2. It gives you control where before you had none.
3. It allows you to now exceed expectations by over-delivering against your own promise. Where before you were guaranteed to lose, you’re now guaranteed to win!

So how about we resolve today to turn from Problems People into Solutions People?

And allow me to give you an instant opportunity to practice!

It’s easy to spot problems in something like our Sunday morning meetings – and we have a constant desire to improve them.

Why not suggest a solution to a problem you can see, take ownership for it, and get some experience leading?

See you on Sunday!

TWO STORIES THAT COULD IMPACT LEADERS IN EALING

Are you sitting comfortably?

The story about the ginormous spreadsheet

A few years ago I was a trainee on a project with Luis (not his real name either), the manager.

Luis was armed with one of the biggest spreadsheets I've ever seen: six sheets of A3.

He highlighted four rows in yellow pen.

It took a while.

He told me to complete those four lines, then report back to him.

I did the tasks within the next hour or so and brought them to him, and he was angry I'd done it so quickly!

He said I must not have put enough effort in.

So I took it away, did something else for a couple of hours, then sent it to him.

This time, he was happy.

Great! My ordeal was over! Or not...

He highlighted the next four rows, and told me to now complete those.

That left me grumpy.

I like to understand where I'm heading before completing detailed tasks, but Luis was a micromanager.

He wanted to check every detail at each step before delegating the next task.

Another story about the opposite problem

This project was in a technical area I knew nothing about, led by Sarah.

The first time I met Sarah she said to me, 'I hate micromanagement.'

That would normally have been fine - I hate being micromanaged - but I didn't know what I was meant to be doing!

I was muddling along, not doing a very good job - all I needed was for someone to check every detail at each step before delegating the next task.

What I learned about management

Micromanagement is way outside my comfort zone, but it would have helped me in my experience with Sarah.

Different management styles are needed depending on the situation and the people involved.

Good management is so important.

We have a large number of teams at Redeemer that need managing:

• Prayer team leaders
• Meetup leaders and coordinators
• Band leaders
• Redeemer Creatives
• Events team leaders (like for our Carol Services)
• Lots of others

Because of all of them, we're constantly on the lookout for existing and potential managers - and we're committed to investing time, energy and resources in developing them!

Are you, or could you be, a great manager?

To put your hand up as a potential manager, to find out more, or just to say you're interested, please email hello@redeemerlondon.org and come to our next leadership gathering!