Have you ever felt totally alone?
It's as if no-one is speaking your language.
As much as you try to express how you are feeling, and your friends nod obligingly, you feel like you're missing the mark; no one understands.
It can sometimes feel as if even God is not on your side.
Psalm 88 expresses the feeling of abandonment well:
But I cry to you for help, Lord;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
Why, Lord, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?
But soon, often through the healing prayers and conversation of those who've walked the same road themselves, comes healing and we can echo Psalm 147:
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit.
In this poem I've tried to put some of this into words:
(Those of you for whom English is your second language, don't panic; I've made up a lot of these words to emphasise just how difficult it is to express our feelings and how baffling we can appear to those around us. But God understands.)
His stillent, smally whispers ooze into my mindconscious
like a dusk-sweet hotchoc,
like a mocha sunrise welcoming wide
with embracements louder than fearage,
not instructioning, but come in mending,
pushing enlightenmentations, praisements and incouragabilities
that I inseep onto my naked black and bruises.
I tremble-wrap his echo within my born-worn soul
but he stainleaks through my weak cardio
when I bumpbrush against heartbeatings as fraggi-brittle as mine.
His hushed shade cools and breaths an enveloping:
And so I restilax in his softly stronging arms.
Sometimes we know we're not making any sense; we just need someone to understand. I have a God for that.
If you identify with any of this, please know that you have a God who knows you and understands you to your core. I encourage you to read the Psalms where you'll find those who have walked your path or something like it. And I encourage you to find friends who can walk with you.
You will find fellow travellers at Redeemer, a community of Christians who value honest living and who worship a God who knows us. You'll be most welcome.